1. Mamas, don't let your babies smoke your hookah - After hours of scouring the internet for some the most hilarious or common hookah fails, this seemed to come up quite often. Babies smoking hookah! While your smoke output may smell delectable to your youngster, we cannot in good conscience allow this behavior to persist without interjecting. Although it is up to your own parental consent, we cannot stress enough that hookah smoke is not much safer for a child than any other form of smoke.
This same hookah logic goes for your fur babies as well:
2. Don't smoke too much too fast - Believe it or not, you can effectively overdo it on hookah if you smoke too much too quickly. Doing so can make you nauseous, light-headed and overall sick for hours on end. If you are relatively new to hookah, it is definitely recommended to see what one or two regular puffs will do to your head before going overboard. Everyone's sensitivity to high levels of nicotine is very different, and finding your groove is an important part of the learning process.
Additionally, if you get a little too buzzed too quickly, you run the risk of missing out on the best clouds because you had to throw in the towel before the bowl really started cookin'.
3. Passing the hose is just as important as taking a hit from the hose - This is one of those obvious hookah fails that can be easily avoided, especially if you keep hookah fail #2 in mind. It's common for hookah smokers to get lost in conversation around a particularly heady bowl. This is kind of what hookah was designed for. However, it's important to keep in mind that, even though everyone is lost in conversation, everyone is also anxiously awaiting their turn to smoke on the bowl.
If you find yourself heading down a particularly lengthy tangent in conversation, be sure to pass the hose off first. It's a simple courtesy that goes a long way.
4. Don't smoke and drive - Admittedly, this hookah fail is not terribly common. But seriously, some people smoke a full hookah while driving! While it sounds awesome in theory, in practice we can only surmise that this is no safer than texting and driving. This is not a recommended method for smoking your shisha, since there are more pressing matters at hand (i.e. other peoples' lives) and hookah smoking is designed for relaxation.
If you must smoke hookah while driving, maybe pick up an e-hookah or the Starbuzz Wireless Shisha for a safer option in the 5 o' clock traffic interim.
5. Don't melt your Kaloud Lotus in the oven - This is hilariously common, and is basically an absolute no-no when it comes to the Kaloud Lotus, according to the official statement on the Kaloud website. While we understand the premise of pre-heating up your Kaloud Lotus in the oven, just don't do it. You will ruin it and void the warranty.
The point of heating the Lotus up is to speed up the heating process so the coals don't have to do all the work; but as mentioned, if you heat it up for too long, you will almost definitely melt the Lotus and destroy it. At some point, you will notice your Lotus looks more like the T-1000 than the Kaloud Lotus.
See below for what not to do.
6. If you're out of hookah coals, buy more - Needless to say, for traditional hookah smoking, good hookah coals are a necessary prerequisite for smoking a solid hookah bowl. That means there are really no good substitutions for quality hookah coals. For the best quality coals, and the most widely used by the pros, we definitely recommend Natural Hookah Coals. We have seen or heard of people in the past attempting to heat their shisha directly on the stove top, which is just poor practice. Not only that, but you're going to inhale a significant amount of melted plastic if you try to smoke the shisha as pictured below.
Lastly, regular BBQcoals are not a good substitute unless you're into Mesquite-smoked Starbuzz Blue Mist. Even the unflavored BBQ coals have too much of a wood flavor to use on your hookah bowl. Seriously, buy more coals if you're fresh out! You'll come across as more of a hookah pro if you can effectively explain to your novice friends why not smoking hookah at all is better than using a janky substitute. Not that we don't give an 'A' for effort to the person creative enough to come up with such a concoction as shown below.
7. Hookahs ARE NOT Bongs - Let's be honest. One of the quickest ways to tell if someone is an amateur hookah smoker is to hear them refer to their hookah as a "bong". We know what bongs are implicitly used for, and nothing more needs to be said about them. Hookahs - and we cannot emphasize this enough - are NOT bongs. If you are looking to be a serious hookah aficionado, you should never use the terms 'bong' and 'hookah' interchangeably. Not only are they not the same (bongs generally do not have hoses), but if you use anything other than good shisha tobacco, herbal shisha or vapor stones in your hookah, it will damage the integrity of the hookah by way of ghosting disgusting flavor in your hoses, bowls and shafts.
Additionally, any true hookah smoker will look at your like you're crazy if you refer to your hookah as a bong. I mean, you would never refer to your bong as a hookah, would you? While these two things may be in a similar family, they are simply not the same. It's sort of the same difference between penny loafers and flip-flops.